The words spoken by my husband resonated in my head, “maybe we’re not meant to be here.” Can it be true? Maybe. It is certainly not for a lack of trying…but for a long time, it seems that things have just not gone our way. And for the first time in a long while, we do not have to move because the military tells us we have to. Yet, we have considered it on our own.
He was a soldier–and a damn good one. One of the best. One of the few that was not just looking out for himself. They underestimated him. Took him for granted. A different kind of military. He felt it was time to move on.
It has not been quite a year since he left active duty military, and joined a National Guard unit. I can honestly admit, it has been one of the longest, most trying years that we have spent together; full of many ups and downs, and we have had a few.
Before he even left active duty, he found a job. I say found, however, it was more like he pushed himself and worked really hard. He passed rigorous physical and mental tests to be accepted into the State Highway Patrol. It is a looong process, which very few make it through. But he did.
In fact, he was still on military leave when he was put on the payroll. He worked there most of the summer, before attending the academy in August. Unfortuenately, his career was cut short due to an injury he sustained while on active duty in the military. That day, I received one of the most shocking and unexpected phone calls I have ever gotten from him, “I’ve been eliminated from the academy.”
With only one income, and now, no income, needless to say, it was a little bumpy.
Of course, never quitters, I was fortunate to be offered a long-term substitute position I might otherwise have declined. Between unemployment checks, and a zillion job applications, he was eventually offered a job. Not his forever job, but a job nonetheless.
Where I feel like I had a fair year learning a great deal in the field of education and teaching, full of many new experiences, and new connections, I, too, have had my share of disapointments. Job opportunities that should have been mine falling through for this reason or that. Conversely, I have watched a man slope downward into misery. Not happy with what he is doing, and not satisfied with the way things have turned out.
Timing. Sometimes it feels like you belong in a certain place, but things can change. When do you decide to give up, let go, or move on. Design a new plan–a different one, possibly far, far away from this place. How long should you wait. It has been less than a year, but what if this is not where we are supposed to be.
I don’t have any of the answers right now. But I do not think I am ready to give up just yet.
Still holding on.